Frustrations of an Unknown Sex Addict - Chpt 1

Three days ago I was looking over my shoulder. Wondering what was back there. Peering into an abyss created by my memories, created by my actions, created by the fate of the universe. I stared. It was a whirl wind of visual stimulants as my eyes closed and my breath exhaled. What the fuck am I doing?! The all to familiar question began to strain out of my inner brain. The decisions seemed to be so clear. The world is in dire straits, it needs our help, but I need my help, I am a star, the center of attention! I dont know where the hell I am floating to! Than, I realized its been nearly 2 month since I've gotten to play in the wilderness of a woman. I am horny as fuck! Is all this existential bull shit just a frustrated dick in my pants that my mind is trying to compensate for? A new solution is to be assembled. Yes!... I need to find some party girls! 

I guess I know a few, yet even in my desperation, I would hope to find something, someone new with worth and excitement, emotional and passionate, but without dedication or ultimatum. Plenty of woman are up for a romper rooski recess in my bed, I know it, all the gay boys want to fuck me, and that definitely means; I Am Sexy! Or faggy, but chicks are into that, some chicks are! I would have to think so, yet again, these gay boys are men, I am a man, and we men are horny fuckers! If your a man who is not that horny, there is something wrong with you! Your not a pussy, or less of a man, but get a boner! I have a boner every morning. The type of hard girthy handrail you hope to impress someone with eventually, or in my case, you pray! I pondered as I slowly humped my sheets laying in bed this morning, just enough to sustain, but not to climax; What does my hard penis and relatively high sex drive comunicate to these life issues?!

It communicates I am passionate and motivated! Now I have to find the balance not just between my mind and soul, my ego and conscious, but a tri-balance of my mind, my intuition, and now my hard wiener. I kept looking back to gain insight to the future, but my receptors became hazy and blocked. The stimulating visuals seemed to fade as my attention and focus left my eyes and entered an analytical furry of questions and ideas. How to express such frustrations, through what medium shall it be; paint, song, dance perhaps? I need to think on a bigger scale, the scale of the world! Yes, I must be the canvass itself, and the world my brush. Tickle me pink silly world!! Fill my loins with grace, my soul with love, and my mind with creativity! Take me there world, I believe in your power, guide me to the blessed fruits of a goddess' love and gypsy eyes!

1 days later...

The world has failed me. My boner is getting weaker and tired of its daily inflations, discontent without the care of another! I am a loser! The motivation of my life has become purely sexual, lost to the ideals of growing up with porn on the internet and scrambled boobies on channel 1 late night. This is why religion has banned sex and treated woman like shit for thousands of years, to protect us, men, from being in an ultimate level of randy wang, so they could keep their motivation to grow their power! You fools! Woman are our goddesses and we need to learn from them, yet we are all humans, sexual beings!! So why the fuck wont anyone... everyone have sex with me!? And each other?! Has the media really controlled us to believe that free love was just a gimmick from the 60's that they silkscreen on Gap t-shirts!? Yes, they have damn it. The world is no longer my paint and I the canvas, but now the people are my canvass and I am the paint. I must convince mankind of this free love, make it my journey of life, or else... I may never have sex again! 

My charged soul gave me a thunder bolt of excitement. I instantly found some white computer paper and a sharpie. I began to write sexual antidotes, 'It is not sex that gives the pleasure, but the lover', 'Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired', 'Free Love: Its fun!' page after page. I furiously tittied the pile of papers into my backpack with a staple gun and packaging tape. I was going to line the light poles with love! Gorilla art will infiltrate. I can be the next Banksy, a sexy Banksy, filling our society with sex! I rode my bicycle to Capitol Hill and strolled down Pike strapping on my love notes for all the world to see. Some people laughed and smiled as they saw what I was doing. Do you think this funny dude?! Im at half mast in my pants, hanging up signs, trying to change the world so I can finally get laid! Fuckers! No one understands me. Yet, like any good artist I powered through with positive thought that perhaps these words will affect the conscious levels of a few, and the snow ball will begin to roll. I exhausted my supply of dirty reminders and returned to Tangle Town. I felt good, like I made a difference, like I did something! This motivation was excellent, I was pumped up... literally! Now the powers of the universe will bless me with love, for spreading the love. I anxiously awaited my lover to appear.

I sat at home smoking and scouring facebook and ok cupid for potential romp relationships when I heard something coming from the downstairs. I had been home for hours now and saw not one of my roommates, did someone sneak in to take a poop? Or have the heavens blessed me with a woman who has appeared in my home to make gratifying love to me. I was convinced, my prayers have been answered by Eros and Dionysos! I tucked my already juicy penicular in the waistband of my pants, and rolled down the stairs like a kid on christmas morning! I grabbed the hand rail and swung around the corner like a race car around a final turn. My smile felt the passing air in a slow motion sensation of momentum! I cleared the turn and was on the strait away when I saw it! There in front of my eyes was a beautiful, naked woman, on the couch... getting Danny Tannered, Rush Limbaughed, and Sammuel L. Jacksoned by my roommate!! He was Fucking My Gift! Both lovers looked up in sudden disbelief! Startled, she embarrassingly snatched a pillow and covered her luscious breasts, as my roommate's face became cross.
"You Bastard", I yelled as it all became apparent.
"You are destroying my DESTINY!"
I furiously bellowed as I lept and tackled his naked self off the couch and onto the ground. He landed on his back, but used the momentum of my tackle to flip me over him, and pinned me down. As my friend looked at me, my eyes peered down to his wang, pointing strait at me like an old lady pointing her finger at the Dennis the Menace next door. It turned into a devils face, laughing at me, the most evil devil penis laugh there could be! I was frightened and looked away back at my roommates disgusted expression.
"Dude, what the fuck are you doing, that's Ashley, my girlfriend... we didn't know anyone was home, so what the fuck dude!?"
I was released from under my naked and fully erected roommate. I was sweating, and the rush of adrenaline was subsiding.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry guys, its my penis, I can't Control It!" 

My heart was broken, has the world failed me, or have I failed the world. I turned and ran out the door, hopped on my bike and rushed the hell away from the ridiculousness that my actions created! I rode to get an iced coffee and to chain smoke cigs at Cal Anderson. As I sat on the bench watching the fountain trickle into a pool of rapids as I noticed one of my love notes laying on the ground. What hobble wash, why would you tear down such a beautiful piece of art! I decided to return it to a post nearby! As I approached Pike I noticed many of my love notes had been torn, ripped, and destroyed!! Not just taken down, but mutilated! I began to take down what was unable to be reposted, but found about 3 notes that could still be hung with pride! I taped them back together and happily reposted them, when out of nowhere a passerby coughed 'pervert' as they walked passed me. I turned in fury and released my opinion immediately,
"Pervert? You are the pervert protecting yourself from the realities of our biology, concealing the true realities of the desires of our genetalia, you sir are the death of this world!" 

"Oh is that because I'm gay!? Fuck you, and your bullshit western christian idea of sex!"
He fired back, quickly turned and walked away. I shuttered in disgust, free love is for all sexual orientations, it has nothing to do with western philosophy or christianity, in fact perhaps the exact opposite! He miss interpreted my point! I ran a few paces and caught up to the gay man. I grabbed his shoulder to get his attention.
"Hey, dude, I'm sorry... I'm trying to spread the notion of free love for all, you and me, with and for all men and woman, see, I haven't gotten laid for 2 months and I'm really horny, I was just trying to put good vibes into the universe, I'm sorry, I never meant to offend you nor would I ever want to offend anyone due to their sexual preferences!"
He seemed calm, took a long moment of silence with a few breaths, and looked at me, peered into my eyes.
"I'll suck your dick right now."
 He said almost to justify his new understanding of the situation.
"What, no, im not..."
"You know guys give the best blow jobs, right?"
I didn't know! I didn't know what to do. I've already insulted this man once, now we are trying to make amends and if I refuse his dick sucking I could be further insulting him and the entire gay community!
"I live over off of Olive, lets go!"
He carelessly motioned, and we began to walk together.

We strolled through the park and actually had a very lovely conversation. This man was an actor, stage no screen. He believed in the true artform. I can dig! I told him about my confusions of conflicts of life, now so interested in a conversation about preserving the truest forms of art, not letting industry and media infiltrate, I completely forgot that I was on the way to his apartment so he could blow me! By the end of the walk, I genuinely liked the guy and we had a lot in common. We strolled into his building and got into the elevator. This is when I realized what this trip had been ment for, lucious gay blow jobs! He got close to me and passionately said, "Are you ready for the best head of your life?" I again felt confused, I didn't want to insult the man, so I awkwardly did nothing as he stalled the elevator and reached for my belt.
"I appreciate this so much, but its ok man, Ill be good, you dont have to..."
"Shut up."
He said back to me in a sneaky tone as my belt was being undone and my zipper was unzipping. I looked down, and something amazing had happened. My perma-boner was gone, my dick was limp!! As the gay man tried to extrude my balls from my boxer briefs, their was no boner! 

I reached down to pull up my pants and end this homesexual shenanigan, when the man looked at me and questione,
"Wait, your not gay? This entire talk about not getting laid was not getting laid with woman?"
I stood embarrassed with my pants undone, looking at the ground, I apologized,
"I'm sorry man, what you offered seem to be a nice gesture, and I'm not gay, but I didn't want to further offend you."
He slightly laughed and looked at me,
"I mean, you look pretty faggy."
Damn it, not again!
"Like I said, I want to thank you for this wonderful offering, but my penis is limp again, for the first time in days, what you have done for me is better than any gay blow job."
He looked disappointed.
"I like you, so Im gonna hook you up."
What the hell is he talking about, I thought we had just established that I am not gay.
"Come with me"
He motioned as the elevator hit his floor. He headed towards his apartment, and I followed with a nervous anxiety. He opened the door to a very neat and organized studio apartment. As we entered he walked to his desk, opened the top left drawer, and took out a business card. He handed it to me, it was black, with a phone number also printed in a glossy black so you could only read it by holding it angled in the light.
"Call that number, tell them Cheesy gave it to you, and you should be taken care of."
I was so confused... Cheesy? Is he setting me up to enter a train running session on me!? I took the card, thanked Cheesy, and left as quickly as possible. The sun was setting and it was time to go home.

I laid in bed and looked at the black on black business card Cheesy gave me. What the fuck was this, maybe I should just throw it away. The world perhaps is working for me, more mysteriously than I could imagine since it gave me my own imagination. I laid back in bed and stared into the ceiling as I have done so many nights, the light of the world was fading, and my hopes of sexual expression seemed to tell me that I am gay. Damn it. All I want is a fabulous woman, elegant and smooth, delicate and beautiful to have casual sex with. My dick began to harden again. Shit! It was back. As I watched my pants rise the black on black business card caught my attention. The gleaming glossy text shined at me like a sign. I grabbed my phone and dialed the numbers. Silence... than it rang, and rang, and
"Hello?!" a crotchety old woman's voice answered.
"Hi, um... yes, my friend, a... Cheesy gave me this number to call, yea, a..."
"Be at 2242 15th ave at 8pm tomorrow for New Member Orientation."
Click, the call was over. What the hell did I just do?! I scribbled the address down on a note pad. My dick was still hard. My mind was full. I needed rest. 

Chapter 2 to come Shortly....

The Budos Band is Bad... in a Good Way!

Tingles of jive turkeys swept across my skin. Antelopes roamed the fields peacefully, but inside; the air was cut thick with cannabis, sweat flung dripping from brow and flailing limbs, the sound of a new type of freedom was echoing through my dancing bones. The Budos Band is a race of beings unknown to us, misfits of hell, banned from the eternal realms to scorch the earth with its sinful desire of Latin soul funk. Some call it afro-soul, I call it… party time! Jared Tankel, baritone sax player and front man of this demonic posse walked on stage looking like Diego Delgado, eye’s blazed red from spooning bumps of cocaine with a scorpions deadly tail spike. His horn bellowed the whaaa of such loose sound waves I could almost see them as jelly fish moving through the smoke in the rafters, swimming to the nonexistent surface for air. The crowd became entranced, possessed, and danced crazed, except for one girl.

The magic was spinning like taking acid and watching the wheel of fourtune in the 60’s on a plasma TV, when I looked to my right and saw a human, a girl, motionless, expressionless, and still. My first reaction was to perform CPR and resuscitate this lifeless poor girl, but further examination proved her to still actually be conscious! Eyes open, breathing, what the hell is wrong with this girl? What the hell was she doing in this cavern of misfit toys carousing in universal vibrations with the rest of the awakened? The brassy horn called furiously as the band stopped 4 bars after Mr. Tankel raised a gritty fist.

The brief silence gave chance of change and I challenged this girl. “Saving your good moves for the end?” I asked with an air of confidence. She glanced down nervously smiling, than her eyes shot back at me.  Politely, in a 1950’s type way, she said no through a deep shade of red lip stick. Now fiddling her fingers nervously, the music burst into the room again. I performed a few easy movements, perhaps this girl would notice and emulate. Perhaps she would begin traveling in the caravan of Budos believers, drinking twisted cocktails and potions, clothing in feathers, and dancing for the ancient spirits giving thanks for the world they have granted us with. No! She was frozen! Her soul was fresh and afraid of where this music could lead. If these evil vibration blowing bandits had a plan for all this energy being released?! She was scared and confused.

 The bellow of Mr. Tankel’s horn began with a crisp closed high hat guiding the introductory rhythm of the next song. Still and calm on the right side of my peripheral vision, I find the energy reacting just dandy in my blue suede shoes. The magic and freedom that becomes dancing, beyond an expression, and into involuntary movement had been overtaking me for some time now. I have found nothing to make me happier than the pure ecstasy that this experience is. This lonely, tired, and beautiful girl I realized may never join the millions of souls who have and do experience this, and it made me sad. Will it be her choice or destiny to dance?

Either way it will be her decision I thought as all reason flew out the window! Daniel Foder, pure yin and yang of all that is good and evil floats around the stage. He holds his bass guitar like he was a mad Vietnam solider violently firing his automatic rifle into oblivion obliterating all that surrounds. It definitely made all of us observing feel a little more bad ass. After drummer Brian Profilio led us through a vulgarly enthusiastic and motivating chant notifying the rest of the band in the best Brooklyn accent us Capitol Hill kids could emulate to “get the Fuck out here” (and play an encore), they did.

The band finished, the lights turned on, the doors opened, the smoke seeped out, and the motionless beautiful girl in the red lip stick was gone. The Budos Band had retired to a den of cocaine, sexy Latina women, and dim lighting. Stepping out into the streets the world came back to us. But now, the world seemed evil, still, and quite like this mysterious girl. The loud and boisterous music, the smoke and sweat, the uncontrollable control of dance possession makes me feel good! No, no, excuse me. It makes me feel… bad.