Wasted Time

It is a great feeling in a man’s life when he has finished his day of work. Maybe stopped by the market to get a sixer of his favorite brew, and then continued strolling on home to see his wonderful lady and to retire for the evening. On most nights this happens as peacefully and as simply as it sounds, but tonight wasn’t like most nights… Watch Out People!! Cause people are watching you, and every move you make. Tonight I was informed that I was CARELESS!! How could you say such a thing, my smile is cheery and my eyes are bright with care and love you fucking idiot! I’m the silliest boy in the world, a Sultan, but tonight I joined the ranks of suspicious night time J Walkers! OK, this is how it happened; I stepped into the red flashing ‘Do Not Walk’ glair, I checked left, than right, then left… then right. Shit a speeding car, STOP… wait, and continue to cross. I made it to the other side!! That’s when I felt the spot light on the back of my neck like I was laying on a bed at the tanning salon. What the fuck, I thought to myself, turning around to see a young eager SPD officer out of his car demanding me to remain on the curb with my hands in visible sight. At first I believed this could be profiling, I mean my beard makes me look like Osama Bin Brentious the Jewish Mexican! Not this game again I thought to myself as I mentally checked my pockets for any weed I might have… nope clean. Sweet, this should be easy. “Ever been to jail!?” the officer eagerly asked me… I said, “Not really.” He looked puzzled, and I realized a young confused cop is how innocent wood whittlers get killed, so I played the no sir, yes sir game after that… fucker. The officer grabbed my ID, ordered me to sit on the curb, and went back to his car to run my sheet after some questioning. Why were you J walking? It wasn’t intentional. Don’t you know how dangerous it is? A human body in front of thousands of pounds of accelerating steel, or a piece of shit cop and his gun here in Seattle, yes sir, I do know how dangerous both are. What may have been some better options? To stay inside all day and write for my fucking blog so I never get hurt and never realize that stupid shit like this actually does happen! THANKS Officer Obvious, I learned a lot!! Now as a sat on the curb of Mercer and 2^nd Ave W on a Friday night, Ozzy’s blaring with inebriation all around, police lights flashing in my face, the public driving by and judging that dirty bearded boy on the curb, my completely sober brain just laughed and heavily desired a brew from the grocery bag sitting on the curb next to me. Finally Officer Fuck Face emerged from his patrol car utterly disappointed. “I guess you’re right, you have never been to jail.” He granted me permission to take my groceries and have a good night. I stopped and smiled, turned to him and said what many of you may feel the need to tell me after reading my blog… “Thanks for wasting my time!”